WTF is this? What does this have to do with anything and why should I care?
This is the book that is going to change your life and the way you see the world. By the author of How to Make Six Figures Selling Courses on How to Make Six Figures and Sensual Summer Evenings: Erotic Tales From Strategy Games Summer Camp. Stanley Tortuffios’ latest book, Letters Combined To Form Words Combined To Say Nothing.
Written across the years of 2008 – 20226 the book tells the story of the fictional character Leo, a 40-year-old man who never really grew up or found much success in life despite his privileged upbringing. After returning the ring to Australia and battling a dragon, Leo comes face-to-face with the one who got away and relives the thrills of his teenage romance with the _____.
Leo slowly repeats the same mistakes that resulted in the end of their relationship the first go around but this time he does it while he is also solving a series of murders with his hard-headed one year from retirement partner, Detective Jones. Jones likes to crack wise at inappropriate times and often jokes about Leo being white while he is himself of African American decent. They get on each other’s nerves and seemingly have nothing in common but deep down they respect the hell out of each other. Leo might even miss Jones once he retires.
When the case takes a turn no one saw coming and the long hours and hard drinking leads to Leo being at the alter again, it begins to look like this cold case won’t be getting any warmer. Jones begins to accept that this is his white whale and tries to tell Leo that he needs to learn to let things go before they eat him alive from the inside. It is only then that both the men realize that they may have been much closer to the killer they have been hunting than either of them ever could have imagined.
Based loosely and without permission on the Novel by [redacted per the injunction]. This is a story that has been told before but never with this many dick jokes.
The book saw moderate success upon its release on October 1, 2026, when over 10 copies sold and the readers have been raving in all three definitions of the word. One review reads1, “I thought this was a Steven King novel but realized my mistake three pages into the prologue that was written by a Local LLM the author brags about having downloaded (along with malware that eventually rendered his laptop unusable) from the dark web. On the following page it becomes clear that he does not know what the dark web is but he began telling people that he uses it because he thought, ‘it sounded metal’ and, ‘like the type of shit chicks get wet about.’ The prologue seemed unnecessary and a bit indulgent at 27 pages but it was truly the only part of the book that was even readable. Half of it was comprised of instructions on how to make various dessert foods, which I did quite enjoy and is the reason I gave the book two stars. This is otherwise the ramblings of clearly delusional man who desperately needs a hug.”
Do you want it? No. You NEED it!
DISCLAIMER: All proceeds from the sale of this book will be going to support the Foundation For The Betterment of Thomas Douglas, a foundation operated by the author as part of a scheme to make money to support his crippling cam girl addiction. We make no guarantees or warrantees of any kind as to the accuracy of these claims or the final destination of any money donated.
1 This quote is taken from a real life review left for the initial edition of this book when it was first put on pre-sale in August 2026. The review does not appear on this product listing due to ongoing unrelated litigation and a pending criminal investigation.
Sunny mornings
